"We're too young to fall asleep, to cynical to speak"

Your music will live on for many more generations

2012-01-20T12:03:00.000-05:00

You can't fake this music. You might be a great singer or a great musician but, in the need, that's got nothing to do with it. It's how you connect to the songs and to the history behind them.

-Etta James

this is getting out of hand

2012-01-18T21:15:00.001-05:00

https://www.google.com/landing/takeaction/

........

2012-01-14T00:27:00.002-05:00

Don't you dare look out your window darling;Everything's on fireThe war outside our door keeps raging onHold onto this lullabyEven when the music's gone

Hit the Lights

2011-12-29T19:26:00.001-05:00

Selena Gomez - Hit The Lights - Music - More Music Videos

2011-12-28T01:43:00.000-05:00

Cant wait to see this

2011-12-27T20:59:00.000-05:00

2011-12-27T20:54:00.001-05:00

Hilarious

2011-12-15T14:50:00.003-05:00

Satya Rose's First Birthday

2011-11-23T23:23:00.001-05:00

2011-11-22T22:09:00.000-05:00

Somebody I used to know

2011-11-22T12:57:00.003-05:00

Now and then I think of when we were together
Like when you said you felt so happy you could die
Told myself that you were right for me
But felt so lonely in your company
But that was love and it's an ache I still remember

You can get addicted to a certain kind of sadness
Like resignation to the end, always the end
So when we found that we could not make sense
Well you said that we would still be friends
But I'll admit that I was glad that it was over

But you didn't have to cut me off
Make out like it never happened and that we were nothing
And I don't even need your love
But you treat me like a stranger and that feels so rough
No you didn't have to stoop so low
Have your friends collect your records and then change your number
I guess that I don't need that though
Now you're just somebody that I used to know

Now you're just somebody that I used to know
Now you're just somebody that I used to know

Now and then I think of all the times you screwed me over
But had me believing it was always something that I'd done
And I don't wanna live that way
Reading into every word you say
You said that you could let it go
And I wouldn't catch you hung up on somebody that you used to know

But you didn't have to cut me off
Make out like it never happened and that we were nothing
And I don't even need your love
But you treat me like a stranger and that feels so rough
And you didn't have to stoop so low
Have your friends collect your records and then change your number
I guess that I don't need that though
Now you're just somebody that I used to know

Somebody
(I used to know)
Somebody
(Now you're just somebody that I used to know)

Anticipation

2011-11-15T22:38:00.001-05:00

2011-11-12T01:52:00.001-05:00

If something is too good to be true than it most likely is

Tell Me

2011-11-04T00:48:00.002-04:00

“Tell me I'm clever,
Tell me I'm kind,
Tell me I'm talented,
Tell me I'm cute,
Tell me I'm sensitive,
Graceful and Wise
Tell me I'm perfect--
But tell me the TRUTH.”

What makes me happy

2011-11-02T22:13:00.000-04:00

Lotus Flower

2011-11-01T23:47:00.002-04:00

Like Crazy

2011-10-30T00:31:00.000-04:00

Hiding my heart

2011-10-16T20:15:00.002-04:00

This is how the story went
I met someone by accident
who blew me away
blew me away
And It was in the darkest of my days
When you took my sorrow and you took my pain
And buried them away, you buried them away

I wish I could lay down beside you
When the day is done
And wake up to your face against the morning sun
But like everything I've ever known
you'll disappear one day
So I'll spend my whole life hiding my heart away

Dropped you off at the train station
Put a kiss on top of your head
And watched you wave
And watched you wave
Then I went on home to my skyscrapers
Neon lights and waiting papers
That I call home
I call that home

I wish I could lay down beside you
When the day is done
And wake up to your face against the morning sun
But like everything I've ever known
You'll disappear one day
So I'll spend my whole life hiding my heart away
Away, yeah

Woke up feeling heavy hearted
I'm going back to where I started
The morning rain
The morning rain
And though I wish that you were here
on that same old road that brought me here
It's calling me home
It's calling me home

I wish I could lay down beside you
When the day is done
And wake up to your face against the morning sun
But like everything I've ever known
You'll disappear one day
So I'll spend my whole life hiding my heart away

I can't spend my whole life hiding my heart away

Just venting

2011-10-15T02:31:00.001-04:00

I dont know why I always think that I could be happy. Ive never had a good life, since the day I was born ive struggled and fought for some kind of happiness but ive always fallen short.

When I finally feel im taking a leap foward im flug backwards.

When ive found something worth smiling for he becomes distant

When I finaly have a great thing somehow it slips away

its sad that not a day goes by that I dont consider what it would be like to not be here anymore.

Would anyone really care?

would anyone know or realize im gone?

I wish I never exsisted alot of people would be happier if things would be that way.

It is what it is

2011-10-08T12:30:00.002-04:00

It is what it is
I was only looking for a shortcut home
But it's complicated
So complicated
Somewhere in this city is a road I know
Where we could make it
But maybe there's no making it now

Too long we've been denying
Now we're both tired of trying
We hit a wall and we can't get over it
Nothing to relive
It's water under the bridge
You said it, I get it
I guess it is what it is

I was only trying to bury the pain
But I made you cry and I can't stop the crying
Was only trying to save me
But I lost you again
Now there's only lying
Wish I could say it's only me

Too long we've been denying
Now we're both tired of trying
We hit a wall and we can't get over it
Nothing to relive
It's water under the bridge
You said it, I get it
I guess it is what it I

Here it comes ready or not
We both found out it's not how we thought
That it would be, how it would be
If the time could turn us around
What once was lost may be found
For you and me, for you and me

Too long we've been denying
Now we're both tired of trying
We hit a wall and we can't get over it
Nothing to relive
It's water under the bridge
You said it, I get it
I guess it is what it is

I was only looking for a shortcut home
But it's complicated
So complicated

Stop and Stare

2011-10-05T09:21:00.003-04:00

This town is colder now, I think it's sick of us
It's time to make our move, I'm shakin off the rust
I've got my heart set on anywhere but here
I'm staring down myself, counting up the years
Steady hands, just take the wheel...
And every glance is killing me
Time to make one last appeal... for the life I lead

Stop and stare
I think I'm moving but I go nowhere
Yeah I know that everyone gets scared
But I've become what I can't be, oh
Stop and stare
You start to wonder why you're 'here' not there
And you'd give anything to get what's fair
But fair ain't what you really need
Oh, can u see what I see

They're tryin to come back, all my senses push
Un-tie the weight bags, I never thought I could...
Steady feet, don't fail me now
Gonna run till you can't walk
But something pulls my focus out
And I'm standing down...

Stop and stare
I think I'm moving but I go nowhere
Yeah I know that everyone gets scared
But I've become what I can't be, oh
Stop and stare
You start to wonder why you're here not there
And you'd give anything to get what's fair
But fair ain't what you really need
Oh, you don't need

What u need, what u need...

Stop and stare
I think I'm moving but I go nowhere
Yeah I know that everyone gets scared
But I've become what I can't be
Oh, do u see what I see..

Come Home

2011-09-29T14:20:00.001-04:00

Hello world
Hope you're listening
Forgive me if I’m young
For speaking out of turn
There’s someone I’ve been missing
I think that they could be
The better half of me
They’re in the wrong place trying to make it right
But I’m tired of justifying
So I say to you.

Come home
Come home
Cause I’ve been waiting for you
For so long
For so long
And right now there's a war between the vanities
But all I see is you and me
The fight for you is all I’ve ever known
So come home
Oh

I get lost in the beauty
Of everything I see
The world ain’t as half as bad
As they paint it to be
If all the sons
If all the daughters
Stopped to take it in
Well hopefully the hate subsides and the love can begin
It might start now..Yeah
Well maybe I’m just dreaming out loud
Until then

Come home
Come home
Cause I’ve been waiting for you
For so long
For so long
And right now there's a war between the vanities
But all I see is you and me
The fight for you is all I’ve ever known
Ever known
So come home
Oh

Everything I can’t be
Is everything you should be
And that’s why I need you here
Everything I can’t be
Is everything you should be
And that’s why I need you here
So hear this now

I get by with a little help from my friends

2011-09-29T13:40:00.001-04:00

Tomasz and I

Breathing

2011-09-25T23:25:00.000-04:00

I'm finding my way back to sanity, again
Though I don't really know what
I am gonna do when I get there
Take a breath and hold on tight
Spin around one more time
And gracefully fall back in the arms of grace

I am hanging on every word you say
And even if you don't want to speak tonight
That's alright, alright with me
'Cause I want nothing more than to sit
Outside Heaven's door and listen to you breathing
Is where I want to be

I am looking past the shadows
Of my mind into the truth and
I'm trying to identify
The voices in my head
God, which one's you?
Let me feel one more time
What it feels like to feel
And break these calluses off me
One more time

'Cause I am hanging on every word you say
And even if you don't want to speak tonight
That's alright, alright with me
'Cause I want nothing more than to sit
Outside your door and listen to you breathing
Is where I want to be

I don't want a thing from you
Bet you're tired of me waiting
For the scraps to fall
Off your table to the ground
I just want o be here now

Lifehouse

No words can explain how great this is

2011-09-02T02:30:00.002-04:00

Skyscraper

2011-07-14T11:18:00.001-04:00

Skies are crying
I am watching catching teardrops in my hands
Only silence, as it's ending, like we never had a chance
Do you have to make me feel like there's nothing left of me?

You can take everything I have
You can break everything I am
Like I'm made of glass
Like I'm made of paper
Go on and try to tear me down
I will be rising from the ground
Like a skyscraper
Like a skyscraper

As the smoke clears I awaken and untangle you from me
Would it make you feel better to watch me while I bleed?
All my windows still are broken but I'm standing on my feet
[ Lyrics from: http://www.lyricsmode.com/lyrics/d/demi_lovato/skyscraper.html ]

You can take everything I have
You can break everything I am
Like I'm made of glass
Like I'm made of paper
Go on and try to tear me down
I will be rising from the ground
Like a skyscraper
Like a skyscraper

Go run run run
I'm gonna stay right here
Watch you disappear
Yeah
Go run run run
Yeah it's a long way down but I'm closer to the clouds up here

You can take everything I have
You can break everything I am
Like I'm made of glass
Like I'm made of paper
Ohh
Go on and try to tear me down
I will be rising from the ground like a skyscraper
Like a skyscraper
Like a skyscraper
Like a skyscraper

Like a skyscraper

R.I.P Karen

2011-06-27T22:08:00.002-04:00

“You can shed tears that she is gone,
or you can smile because she has lived.
You can close your eyes and pray that she'll come back,
or you can open your eyes and see all she's left.
Your heart can be empty because you can't see her,
or you can be full of the love you shared.
You can turn your back on tomorrow and live yesterday,
or you can be happy for tomorrow because of yesterday.
You can remember her only that she is gone,
or you can cherish her memory and let it live on.
You can cry and close your mind,
be empty and turn your back.
Or you can do what she'd want:
smile, open your eyes, love and go on.”

lynnie_buttercup

David Harkins

bestfriends birthday

2011-05-29T02:03:00.000-04:00

may 28 2011

2011-05-28T23:53:00.001-04:00

Postsecret.com

2011-05-26T00:33:00.001-04:00

midnight

2011-05-26T00:04:00.000-04:00

late night thinking
what more could be said
no matter what i do i will always be number two
to everyone
no matter how hard i try i could never reach anyones hopes
no matter what i do i am always in the wrong
life has taken me on one hell of a ride
i wish i could just get off
end this all
but its what ive been handed
i just need to either deal with it
or give up
as the moon rises in the sky i feel so lonely
im alone in this world
noone by my side
i push everyone away
i push those who truly at some point cared about me

what do i do now that im alone?
do i just sit around dealing with the same shit
someone just tell me because i dont know anything

i never saw myself in this position, i had hoped at this point in my life i would be happy but all i want to so is scream at the top of my lungs and just cry at the mess that has become of this life im leading.

and 4 yrs later, here we are

2011-05-25T01:16:00.001-04:00

I started this blog before going into my freshman year, this is really an open diary for the world to see.

Heartbreak
Lost Friends
Confusion

everything has been opened and written for everyone to see.

4 years of college memories are here, and its crazy to see how much we not just me but all of us have changed.

i still haven't really realized that I'm done with college, i guess life does go by quickly and we just need to accept it and move on... now its time for bigger better things i guess

Friendship

2011-05-20T00:04:00.002-04:00

"Friendship is the bestiest thing that comes to life . Friends will always be there for you don't worry about the fakes worry about the people who had your back from the start and never treated you wrong always remember they are your real friends don't never take them as granted because one day your going to lose a good friend by the way your action's are when you see a good friend stick to that person ."

— Marilyn Monroe

so here we are

2011-05-11T00:36:00.000-04:00

Finals week if my senior year if college, I can't even believe it.

Looking back to my freshman year I didn't see myself where i am now, what happened to that freshman that
loved everything about the mount, had more friends than she could count, stood for something.

Now I don't care...

what happened

I guess everything in life happens for a reason, so on May 21 I will walk up on stage grab my diploma and forever leave a place that has helped shape me into what I am today, for the good and the bad of it all 4 years later here i am graduating and moving on to bigger better things

Turning Tables

2011-05-11T00:27:00.000-04:00

Close enough to start a war,
All that I have is on the floor,
God only knows what we're fighting for,
All that I say, you always say more,

I can't keep up with your turning tables,
Under your thumb, I can't breathe,

So I won't let you close enough to hurt me,
No, I won't ask you, you to just desert me,
I cant give you the heart you think you gave me,
It's time to say goodbye to turning tables,
To turning tables,

Under haunted skies I see you, ooh,
Where love is lost, your ghost is found,
I braved a hundred storms to leave you,
As hard as you try, no, I will never be knocked down,

I can't keep up with your turning tables,
Under your thumb, I can't breathe,

So I won't let you close enough to hurt me,

[ From: http://www.metrolyrics.com/turning-tables-lyrics-adele.html ]

No, I won't ask you, you to just desert me,
I cant give you the heart you think you gave me,
It's time to say goodbye to turning tables,
Turning tables,

Next time I'll be braver,
I'll be my own savior,
When the thunder calls for me,
Next time I'll be braver,
I'll be my own savior,
Standing on my own two feet,

I won't let you close enough to hurt me,
No, I won't ask you, you to just desert me,
I can't give you the heart you think you gave me,
It's time to say goodbye to turning tables,
To turning tables,
Turning tables, yeah,
Turning, no, ooh.

Jeff Buckley

2011-02-16T20:50:00.001-05:00

“We are born to live, we are born to understand, we are born to carry a cursed pattern and be transformed by pain”

Everlong

2011-02-16T20:33:00.002-05:00

Via: Joseph Gordon-Levitt.

"Everything I once had"

2011-02-10T20:37:00.001-05:00

Everything I
You were, everything I once had

The bar on 1st Avenue, we went there solely for you
So you can flirt with my best friend
Kiss a girl, tell me why you're laughing

I won't hold on
I can't hold on
to this

There's a hole in the trust that we
mapped out in my bed for six long months
There's a hole in the trust that we
mapped out in my bed
for six long months
for six long months
Well I won't hold on,
to this

February, Valentines Day
Did my best to avoid the red cliches
So you dumped me on the subway
On my way to work at 9 in the morning
Everybody else is holding bouquets
Now I'm holding my face in the basement
Scratching away for any trace
Of affection you will leave
Falling victim to the publics prey

Well I won't hold on
No I can't hold on
I won't hold on
to this

There's a hole in the trust that we
mapped out in my bed for six long months
There's a hole in the trust that we
mapped out in my bed..
There's a hole in the trust that we
mapped out in my bed for six long months

( Oh, I won't hold on to this)

Anyone is suitable for you I,
for you I, guess tonight
Anyone is suitable for you I guess
You were a phase
It's over with
To you my beautiful
You were a phase
It's over with
To you my beautiful
You're beautiful , blue and white.
You're beautiful , blue and white.

"Shattered"

2011-01-16T21:52:00.001-05:00

In a way, I need a change
From this burnout scene
Another time, another town, another everything
But it's always back to you
Stumble out in the night
From the pouring rain
Made the block, sat and thought
There's more I need
It's always back to you

But I'm good without ya
Yeah I'm good without you
Yeah, yeah, yeah

How many times can I break til I shatter?
Over the line, can't define what I'm after
I always turn the car around
Give me a break; let me make my own pattern
All that it takes is some time
But I'm shattered
I always turn the car around

I had no idea that the night
Would take so damn long
Took it out, on the street
While the rain still falls
Push me back to you

But I'm good without ya
Yeah I'm good without you
Yeah, yeah, yeah

How many times can I break til I shatter?
Over the line, can't define what I'm after
I always turn the car around
Give me a break; let me make my own pattern
All that it takes is some time
But I'm shattered
I always turn the car around

Give it up, give it up Baby
Give it up, give it up now, now

How many times can I break til I shatter?
Over the line, can't define what I'm after
I always turn the car around
All that I feel is the realness I'm faking
Taking my time
But its time that I'm wasting
I always turn the car around

How many times can I break til I shatter?
Over the line, can't define what I'm after
I always turn the car around
Don't wanna turn that car around
I gotta turn this thing around

secrets

2011-01-16T20:47:00.002-05:00

I need another story
Something to get off my chest
My life gets kinda boring
Need something that I can confess

'Til all my sleeves are stained red
From all the truth that I've said
Come by it honestly I swear
Thought you saw me wink, no
I've been on the brink, so

Tell me what you want to hear
Something that delight those ears
Sick of all the insincere
I'm gonna give all my secrets away

This time, don't need another perfect lie
Don't care if critics ever jump in line
I'm gonna give all my secrets away

My God, amazing that we got this far
It's like we're chasing all those stars
Driving shiny big black cars
And everyday I see the news
All the problems that we could solve

And when a situation rises
Just write it into an album
Sending it straight to gold
I don't really like my flow, no, so

Tell me what you want to hear
Something that delight those ears
Sick of all the insincere
I'm gonna give all my secrets away

This time, don't need another perfect lie
Don't care if critics ever jump in line
I'm gonna give all my secrets away

Oh, got no reason, got not shame
Got no family I can blame
Just don't let me disappear
I'm 'a tell you everything

So tell me what you want to hear
Something that delight those ears
Sick of all the insincere
So I'm gonna give all my secrets away

This time, don't need another perfect lie
Don't care if critics ever jump in line
I'm gonna give all my secrets away

So tell me what you want to hear
Something that delight those ears
Sick of all the insincere
So I'm gonna give all my secrets away

This time, don't need another perfect lie
Don't care if critics ever jump in line
I'm gonna give all my secrets away
All my secrets away, all my secrets away

Tomorrow

2011-01-14T00:17:00.002-05:00

Misguided Ghosts

2011-01-13T12:09:00.002-05:00

1, 2, 3, 4

I am going away for a while
I'll be back don't try and follow me
I'll return as soon as possible
See I'm tryin' to find my place
It might not be here where I feel safe
We all learn to make mistakes,

And run from them
From them
With no direction
We'll run from them
From them
With no conviction

I'm just one of those ghosts
Traveling endlessly
Don't need no roads
In fact they follow me
And we just go in circles

Now I'm told that this is life
Pain is just a simple compromise
So we can we get what we want out of it
Someone care to classify
Broken hearts and twisted minds
So i can find, someone to rely on,

And run to them
to them
Full speed ahead
Oh you are not
Useless
We are just

Misguided ghosts
Traveling endlessly
The ones we trusted the most
Pushed us far away
And there's no one road
We should not be the same
I'm just a ghost
And still they echo me
They echo me in circles

Life is unexpected

2010-11-16T17:10:00.000-05:00

I swear people always say money isn't important but with money you can do everything. The person I've become isn't who I saw myself being 10 years ago. A lot of what ive done in the past 10 years i wish i could take back, but life is a one time thing. You just learn to live with it and move on. I never thought of myself doing what I did and I know better then to let things get to me but they do

so much problems in my life and i wish i could have one wish granted for me because i would wish that my family had everything set for them... i see friends whose lived are perfect because they have parents who give them everything and at this moment and time i wish i was in their shoes instead of sitting here worrying and crying because i have no clue how to finish college and make a living to pay all this shit off.

Bob Marley

2010-11-16T17:03:00.002-05:00

"You may not be her first, her last, or her only. She loved before she may love again. But if she loves you now, what else matters? She's not perfect - you aren't either, and the two of you may never be perfect together but if she can make you laugh, cause you to think twice, and admit to being human and making mistakes, hold onto her and give her the most you can. She may not be thinking about you every second of the day, but she will give you a part of her that she knows you can break - her heart. So don't hurt her, don't change her, don't analyze and don't expect more than she can give. Smile when she makes you happy, let her know when she makes you mad, and miss her when she's not there." -Bob Marley

All She Knows

2010-08-22T15:59:00.000-04:00

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=R18h0L2T1-4&feature=related

Once again you're home alone
Tears running from your eyes
And I'm on the outside
Knowing that you're all I want
But I can't do anything
I'm so helpless baby

Everyday same old things
So you're still feelin pain
Never had real love before
And it ain't her fault

She knows better but
She can't help it
Wanna tell her
But would that be selfish
How do you heal
A heart that can't feel, it's broken
His love is all she knows, all she knows, all she knows
His love is all she knows, all she knows, all she knows

You've been livin this way so long
You don't know the difference
And it's killing me
Cause you can have so much more
I'm the one your looking for
But you close your eyes on me
So you still can't see

Everyday same old things
So you're still feelin pain
Never had real love before
And it ain't her fault

She knows better but
She can't help it
Wanna tell her
But would that be selfish
How do you heal
A heart that can't feel, it's broken
His love is all she knows, all she knows, all she knows
His love is all she knows, all she knows, all she knows

All she knows is the pain
In the corner of an empty home
She's still comfortable
I want her to know
It can be better than this
I can't pretend
Wish we were more than friends

Everyday same old things
So you're still feelin pain
Never had real love before
And it ain't her fault

She knows better but
She can't help it
Wanna tell her
But would that be selfish
How do you heal
A heart that can't feel, it's broken
His love is all she knows, all she knows, all she knows
His love is all she knows, all she knows, all she knows

August 19th, 2010

2010-08-19T03:46:00.002-04:00

Sometimes things are better left unsaid and undone

I always have things in life I regret, but I've learned that i shouldn't regret them I should just embrace what was and learn from my mistakes.

I care too much

I always put everything in to be left broken

I always assume things are great

I rely too much on other to make me happy

I trust way to easily

all my mistakes, are way to many to list are all just life lessons

Honestly;
I dont want to learn them, but its important that I do because it makes me a stronger person.

So, whats left to do after everything is said and done.

Three simple words
LIFE
GOES
ON.

August 16, 2010.

2010-08-17T01:53:00.001-04:00

Despicable Me
was such a great film, i think i laughed the entire time i was sitting in that theater.

Edith: Mr. Gru is nice.
Margo: But scary.
Agnes: Yeah. Like Santa.

Thank you to a great friend Jose aka Junior for keeping me busy and being there for me.
Today was such a great day filled with book shopping and movies and some time with my friend and my family and a long convo with my best friend Alex who i swear i dont know what i would do without. Plus Katie who is always there for me and Rocelle who stepped up in the best way.

I must admit although my friends are little they always have my back and my family is great don't know why i complain
Things will be better, in time

"Time doesn't heal anything, it just teaches us how to live with the pain"

until then, i'll try to smile and laugh and move on with life

World of Chances

2010-08-16T13:55:00.001-04:00

You've got a face for a smile, you know.
A shame you waste it when you're breaking me slowly.
But I've got a world of chances, for you.
I've got a world of chances, for you.
I've got a world of chances, chances that you're burning through.

I've got a paper and pen.
I go to write a goodbye and that's when I know I've
got a world of chances for you.
I've got a world of chances, for you.
I've got a world of chances, chances that you're burning through.

Oh...
I'm going my own way.
My faith has lost its strength again.
Oh...
it's been too hard to say we've fallen off the edge again.
We're at the end.
We're at the end.

Maybe you'll call me someday.
Hear the operator say the number's no good and that she had a world of chances for you.
She had a world of chances, for you.
She had a world of chances, chances you were burning through.
Chances you were burning through.
Chances you were burning through...

Ououhh..

You've got a face for a smile, you know.

2010-08-16T04:00:00.000-04:00

It doesn't fucken fail, Always the same damn thing.
i need to listen to what my dad tells me and my best friends
i ignored everything and now I'm sitting awake crying and upset.

i'm trying to talk to friends but no matter what they say i remain upset.. i dont know why i even try to make things work out, obviously that doesnt happen to me..

I set myself up for this.

Summer's ending part 2

2010-08-15T11:14:00.003-04:00

Summers going fast
Nights growing colder
Children growing up
Old friends growing older
-Rush (Time Stands Still)

November can't come soon enough

2010-08-11T23:49:00.000-04:00

Little Peanut is due in November

25 weeks

Not to mention Harry Potter and The Deathly Hallows part 1

Summer's ending

2010-08-11T23:40:00.000-04:00

It's sad to say but summer is almost over 18 days till classes begin again....

Currently I'm nervous and feel a little sick,
i wish i knew what was in your head,
to just know,
you know..

I'm worried about an internship,
i waited to the last possible second,
I'm hoping that for once things go right for
me and i can get the one I've been working on.

I feel like I haven't been myself in a while,
I don't know its just the way I'm feeling I guess...
sometimes I wish i could arrange everything in my life
to work out the way I wanted it too, but I've learned thats
impossible to do.

Hands down I'm too proud, for love But with eyes shut It's you I'm thinking of
But how we move from A to B it can't be up to me Cause I don't know

"Is There Anybody Out There?" _Secondhand Serenade

2010-08-05T01:28:00.000-04:00

You can say goodbye,

To all the things that you have ever known.

You can say goodbye,

And leave behind the life that you have grown.

What's the point,

You try to start from scratch,

but get let down,

You can say goodbye,

Just to realize there's no-one left around.

So what am I fighting for.

Tell me

Is there anybody out there,

Am I swimming through this empty sea alone,

Am I looking for an answer

Or am I trying to find a way to get back home.

Is there anybody out there,

Would you hear me if I screamed or if I cried,

I'm looking for an answer

And just trying to find a way to survive.

You can live or die,

Without the chance to find out what your worth,

You can live or die,

And never find the one that she'd deserve,

You can walk alone,

And live behind the shadows in your heart,

You can say goodbye

Or live and find out you've been alone right from the start

So what am I fighting for.

Tell me

Is there anybody out there,

am I swimming through this empty sea alone,

Am I looking for an answer,

Or am I trying to find a way to get back home.

Is there anybody out there,

Would you hear me if I screamed or if I cried,

I am looking for an answer

And just trying to find a way to survive.

Never thought I would end up all alone,

Every day I am feeling further away from home,

I can't catch my breath,

but I am holding on.

Is there anybody out there,

is this the last time I have to say goodbye,

Am I staring at my future,

Is it time to take charge of my life,

Is there anybody out there

Am I swimming through this empty sea alone,

Am I looking for an answer,

or am I trying to find a way to get back home,

Is there anybody out there,

Would you hear me if I screamed or if I cried,

I am looking for an answer,

And just trying to find a way to survive,

a way to survive,

and I am holding on.

2010-08-03T14:39:00.002-04:00

The world keeps spinning out of control and i cant help but feel like i cant do anything about it.

no title

2010-08-03T04:19:00.000-04:00

I'm at a loss of words right now

everything just seems to be falling apart
and i don't know what to do or say to make it okay

I've misinterpreted a lot of things but I seriously thought this was something, but I guess I've never been more mistaken

4am

2010-08-01T04:02:00.002-04:00

im annoyed
im angry
a little confused
a little hurt

wtf i dont like tonight at all

i wish

2010-08-01T03:01:00.002-04:00

you would just say what you want to say

tell me how your feeling

it may be too soon but its better now then later or never

random thought

2010-07-30T02:42:00.002-04:00

i hate when something good is happening in my life, i get upset that it isn't as perfect as i think its going to be

i need to realize that if something is meant to happen it just will

why do i even bother

2010-07-30T00:25:00.003-04:00

I always say to never have high hopes that way when your disappointed its not a big deal.

...

2010-07-29T01:24:00.000-04:00

I wish things in life we're simple....

you know what i mean, simple as in the times when you met someone at the park and became instant friends. Boys we're just other kids that you just played with.

But now friends like that can stab you in the back and those boys who u thought nothing of can break your heart.

so now I'm faced with this...

what do you do now when things just feel so great, do you ignore those feelings to avoid what has happened in the past

i tried to ignore things but for some reason i cant help but to just hope something happens, even against my better judgement

In speaking with Alex he found ways to make me see the actions are just friendly

but something just doesnt let me see that

i feel differently

i just dont know what to think

it may just be too soon to tell

The Perks of Being a Wallflower

2010-07-28T04:32:00.000-04:00

"If somebody likes me, I want them to like the real me, not what they think I am. And I don't want them to carry it around inside. I want them to show me, so I can feel it too. I want them to be able to do whatever they want around me."

"So, I guess we are who we are for a lot of reasons. And maybe we'll never know most of them. But even if we don't have the power to choose where we come from, we can still choose where we go from there. We can still do things. And we can try to feel okay about them."

"Please believe that things are good with me, and even when they’re not, they will be soon enough."

Quote

2010-07-27T15:02:00.002-04:00

“There are things that we never want to let go of, people we never want to leave behind. But keep in mind that letting go isn’t the end of the world, it’s the beginning of a new life.”

random thought..

2010-07-27T04:54:00.001-04:00

When you like someone, do you tell them, or just let things play out?

no title

2010-07-27T00:23:00.002-04:00

My friends say i tend to rush into things
the reality...
its true i do.
I try to take things slow but my mind wanders to what could be so its hard to slow down how i begin to feel. I hate rushing into thing because i always get burned.

I never know when to really trust someone, i just wish growing up came with a manual, even though I say one thing i honestly want what I say i do, I'm hoping this time around things would be different. Slow it down and enjoy what i have

in other news...

Starting work has been good, Its a decision I'm happy with, the people there are great and i have a blast working with them. For once things feel right, and I'm happy with this decision.
Home has gotten a bit annoying, my parents are smothering me, they think im a kid still and honestly its absurd. I cant wait till i graduate and have a steady income, that way i can move out but its something im not telling them dont need them trying to convince me other-wise.
I start my last year of college next month
I learned to not expect a lot of things from people
and last, life has very un-expectant turns

Band: the Beatles

Quote:
"At night, she spreads her wings, she dreams of bigger things, she floats above the town, she sings without a sound." -Semisonic
"This of life I know is true It's all a falling through And so I reach for you "
"Love can take us to heaven or hell, but it always takes us somewhere"

quote of the day for me

2010-07-26T21:46:00.003-04:00

In the end , we only regret the chances we didn't take, the relationships we were afraid to have, and the decisions we waited too long to make

Quotes

2010-07-26T00:43:00.004-04:00

“Don't go for the looks, it can be quite deceiving. Don't go for wealth, even that fades away -- go for someone who makes you smile because only a smile makes a dark day seem bright. Hope you find that person.”

“Be who you are and say what you feel because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind

one of those nights

2010-07-21T03:15:00.000-04:00

one of those nights where my mind is everywhere i cant seem to get everything straight. Its one of those nights i wish i could spend with my best friends in a room on a beach, just far away from facebook my room and any memories that come into my mind.

i need to just log off everything and go to sleep

Late night thoughts, or should i say early mornings

2010-07-17T05:21:00.000-04:00

Right now its 515am and I'm wide awake, the sun is coming out even.... So much is running though my head, and mainly its things I should have forgotten and moved on with already.
So far, summer hasn't been what i expected it to be, nothing bad, but of course things are going to be different.
Work has been good, its a lot to know but i'll adjust. I miss my friends though, i never see them and its sad because they all mean a lot to me.
This week, my friend Alex told me something i already knew but didn't bother mentioning, glad to know i was right

I really have so much on my mind, I'm finding it hard to write it all down, some things are better just left unsaid

And we are leaving some things unsaid

And we are breathing deeper instead

Summer is well on its way

2010-06-21T16:13:00.000-04:00

Boys suck, thats sums what i have to say.

I've grown to consider becoming a hermit but lets just say thats doubtful, my summer has consisted of taking a summer class, now job hunting. I need to get on finding a fall internship, get that out of the way, honestly i'll take what i can get and just be happy with it.

okay well a small update, ps i love pix sticks :) hence the pictures

Song: Alejandro-Gaga (just because of my father..inside joke)
Quote: "shes not broken shes just a baby" and "Make everything count"

Its hard to find the right words to say, if not its damn near impossible

2010-05-29T11:27:00.003-04:00

Life is eternal, and love is immortal,

and death is only a horizon;

and a horizon is nothing save the limit of our sight.

Sometimes I sit and think if God is really there, today is one of the days. Why is it that bad things happen to people who are great. Its a sad day because i woke up to realize that yesterday was real, my best friend lost his mom. She was so young, she was beautiful and she was an amazing mother.

This morning, I went into my mothers room and all she asked was how was he, and I burst into tears because I cant even begin to imagine how he must be feeling. I want to make this all go away.

I now know to appreciate everything thats around, no matter how much your family annoys you, remember that life is short and no matter what you think, today may be the last day you see someone you love.

He who has gone, so we but cherish his memory, abides with us, more potent, nay, more present than the living man. ~Antoine de Saint-Exupery

The angels are always near to those who are grieving, to whisper to them that their loved ones are safe in the hand of God

Rest in Peace Melody Gonzales, ... may the angels be on your side, you are missed

I promise to be there for your family forever, just wish you could have seen your kids grow up, but you raised 5 amazing children and they all miss you terribly.

After all, to the well-organized mind, death is but the next great adventure. ~J.K. Rowling

Songs express everything we feel, its just a matter of finding the right lyrics

2010-04-27T20:16:00.002-04:00

All this time I was wasting
Hoping you would come around
I've been giving out chances every time
And all you do is let me down

And it's taking me this long
Baby but I figured you out
And you're thinking we'll be fine again
But not this time around

You don't have to call anymore
I won't pick up the phone
This is the last straw
Don't wanna hurt anymore

And you can say that you're sorry
But I don't believe you baby
Like I did before
You're not sorry, no, no, no, no

Looking so innocent
I might believe you if I didn't know
Could've loved you all my life
If you hadn't left me waiting in the cold

And you got your share of secrets
And I'm tired of being last to know
And now you're asking me to listen
Cause it's worked each time before

But you don't have to call anymore
I won't pick up the phone
This is the last straw
Don't wanna hurt anymore

And you can tell me that you're sorry
But I don't believe you baby
Like I did before
You're not sorry, no, no, oh

You had me falling for you honey
And it never would've gone away, no
You used to shine so bright
But I watched all of it fade

----------------------You're not sorry- Taylor Swift

junior year coming to a close and some stuff on my mind

2010-04-24T00:54:00.001-04:00

One more year and I'm done with college, the idea is scary.... I started this blog right before my orientation and well its a little crazy that three years went by so fast. I've done a lot and I've gone though a lot of problems but its all been one great big learning experience for life.
I have learn things inside and outside the classrooms. I have had some great professors who have given me what I think is the best information to pass on.

college has been interesting, i have loved and been left heart broken, i have let my expectations get too high and watch everything fall apart right in front of me. I've learned that when I start to fall for someone I will get hurt but its all a learning experience. No matter what challenges were placed in front of me I overcame them... and one more year is going to be a piece of cake.
I had met a boy who I thought in my head was what I was looking for, and for a while he played his cards right but all of a sudden things changed and he became someone completely different and even though I knew/know it was going nowhere i held on, i had hope until my professor told me this;

The more time you spend with the wrong person, the less time you have to find the person that's right

and i realized that even though we could never be together, he was still a good kid and we could still be friends, life is too short to let things hold you back or bother you, we're only young once lets have fun. I'm glad I've come to terms with it i just wish i could be different sometimes.... i still have my moments where I'm hopeful but i tell myself to be realistic.

"People are people and sometimes we change our minds"

But i cant complain about my life, I admit i have my moments where i say something negative but honestly its great, I have more than i ever need and yes I have lost some friends, not as close to people as I was but i mean i have my close friends who I can trust my life with and i mean what else could I really need.

Quotes:
Love is something that one learns with experience, trust and understanding, a clear statement can't be formed.
Sometimes the only thing you can do is let go and hope for the best
"Give your head permission to follow your heart"
"Experience is a brutal teacher, but you learn. My God, do you learn."

Life is too short to have regrets, if you want something go for it, the worst thing that can happen is getting rejected, but you just get back up and move on because life holds bigger and better things, if i wasn't meant to happen, that just means something better is going to come along

21!

2010-03-27T12:05:00.001-04:00

Live as long as you may. The first twenty years are the longest half of your life
By Robert Southey

Foreign language

2010-03-21T09:56:00.002-04:00

Boys speak in rhythm and girls in code
Tell it to me straight, give it to me now
Face forward, face forward

Speaking foreign language, nothing I can translate
You're speaking foreign language, nothing I can dictate
you’re speaking foreign language
-Anberlin

"Lessons Learned"

2010-03-18T18:18:00.000-04:00

There's some things that I regret,
Some words I wish had gone unsaid,
Some starts,
That had some bitter endings,
Been some bad times I've been through,
Damage I cannot undo,
Some things,
I wish I could do all all over again,
But it don't really matter,
Life gets that much harder,
It makes you that much stronger,
Oh, some pages turned,
Some bridges burned,
But there were,
Lessons learned.

And every tear that had to fall from my eyes,
Everyday I wondered how I'd get through the night,
Every change, life has thrown me,
I'm thankful, for every break in my heart,
I'm grateful, for every scar,
Some pages turned,
Some bridges burned,
But there were lessons learned.

There's mistakes that I have made,
Some chances I just threw away,
Some roads,
I never should've taken,
Been some signs I didn't see,
Hearts that I hurt needlessly,
Some wounds,
That I wish I could have one more chance to mend,
But it don't make no difference,
The past can't be rewritten,
You get the life you're given,
Oh, some pages turned,
Some bridges burned,
But there were,
Lessons learned.

And all the things that break you,
Are all the things that make you strong,
You can't change the past,
Cause it's gone,
And you just gotta move on,
Because it's all,
Lessons learned.

Writing whats on the mind....

2010-03-10T19:46:00.000-05:00

The chambers of the mind are always ones to question. One thought turns into many, and those turn into sleepless nights. The mind and emotions are two things that can never work together harmoniously, one always questions the other. One moment your mind tells your heart something, the next it tells you it was completely wrong. How can you follow your heart if your mind always confuses you? The mind should be the one thing organized well enough to make sure your heart safe. so what do you do, follow what your heart is feeling or your heart even though your not sure what either really want to you do?

just what im feeing

2010-02-22T23:55:00.000-05:00

my poor heart has been shattered way to many times
by loves
friends
those who i thought were suppose to protect me
but boy was i mistaken
i put my trust in one and there into tiny pieces did he stomp my poor heart
did i deserve it, maybe
but then once i managed to pick up the little pieces
my friend went and did the same
its been said that people would rather have loved then never loved at all
bull
why would anyone want to feel that void
the hurt
i would rather live my life in misery without loving a soul
then to have my body ache
then to have my heart feel as if it could no longer beat
but with every heart ace
with every mistakes
comes what life is all about
never expect anything from anyone
and that way you wont be let down
you kept what little of your heart you have left and protect it
as many have done and are down as i write these thoughts down.

does high school ever end

2010-02-22T23:47:00.000-05:00

how is it that even with me living god knows how many miles away from mount, and honestly not speaking to anyone EVER im still involved in drama.
what ever, nothing happened or will ever happen so fuck it.

today some freshman told me that he had a feeling that we two were very alike, and thinking back to it its completely true, although my shallowness will never let anything happen its nice to hear im not a complete fool and weirdo.

ive been very antsy lately, just so much work and life... but i cant wait till its summer time where i can go to concerts, beach, and just ride my bike and even go sit in a park and read... ive given up on finding love for now it can just take a seat and let me live... the key to my own happiness is me i dont need friends who stab me in the back, boys who break my heart all i need is music and some great novels and occasionally a beer or two.

guess i just needed to vent a bit

"When the lights go out
We'll be safe and sound
We'll take control of the world
Like it's all we have to hold on to And we'll be a dream "

2010 so far and im already thinking

2010-01-03T00:01:00.000-05:00

As i sit here in my room watching The Lovely Bones online I'm thinking how new years eve felt so far away, how its only January 2nd well 30 minutes to the third...... and how already the year is going so slow!

this may be a good thing or bad thing depending how you look at it. I start school the 25th although i plan on filling these days in between with fun events... come school I'm going to be busy 'four days out of the week. Today has been one of those days where i realized that i should be thankful for the life I''m living. Watched kids who are dying from cancers and things that never in my life i have thought of going through. Watching Lovely Bones its sad that such a young age she was murdered and taken away from all of her dreams and aspirations.

Makes you really think about life.
"Dream as if you'll live forever. Live as if you'll die today."

2010

2010-01-01T01:16:00.000-05:00

this is to the year of change:

I vow to be a better person to everyone

no more nastyness

no more hatred

its a year of listening and understanding

no judging

no bullshit

taking control of my life

thinking before speaking

seeing before doing

realizing Im no longer a baby '

appreciation of those around me

hard work because my parents deserve the best

saving for the future

getting a real job

and setting my prioreties straight

a new beginning

2010 will be a great year!

Goodbye 2009

2010-01-01T01:12:00.000-05:00

Goodbye 2009

This is my letter of farewell to the worst year of my life.

a year of heartbreak

a year of lies

a year of growing up

a year of understanding

a year of a recession

a year of realizing who my real friends are

a year that i will never forget

I must admit this has been the hardest year of my life, Losing my grandmother losing my best friend and the love of my life,its hard to adjust. Its been a year of deception, i haven't been myself since last December. Ive stood still while everyone around me has changed and moved on Ive been too long stuck in the past, stuck in the what if's. I've spent this year lying to everyone around me and to myself. Giving up on everything i love and secluding myself from everything that made me, ME!

This year has taught me lessons i wouldn't have ever learned on my own and i need to thank Colin for breaking my heart and making me realize that fairy tales don't exists. I want to ask him to forgive me for having to cut him from my life. I regret it everyday but I wouldn't have learned a lesson from what happened between us. I need to apologize to the Camino crew because yeah i broke myself apart from you i couldn't stand seeing him and everything he was doing i wasn't ready to deal with it all so soon. I''m sorry we aren't like we use to be but thats just how life goes. Im brought to tears thinking of our memories and everything we went through and not a day goes by that i dont miss each and everyone of you.

I must rid myself of everything I've been feeling. Im sorry for ties i have cut at this point i wonder how life would be had i kept everything and never said or did anything. I'm sorry to my elementary/high school friends cecily josephine, samantha.. i know what i did was just wrong and i apologize. I hope you guys are having a great life. my commuter buddy ashley forgive me for being such a hard ass i shouldnt have gone off on you like that.

and most of all i apologize to my parents and brother and sister i have been the biggest brat you guys have ever known ive been a horrible daughter and sister but i vow to change that and be a better person.

so farewell to the year that made me grow up and in the process lose the ones i loved the most but life happens and life goes on and I'm just going to follow what my personal legend has planned for me.

Christmas has come and gone

2009-12-26T23:43:00.002-05:00

It is nasty weather here in NYC its 52 degrees but rainy and windy, so none can enjoy this warmer weather. I've spent my days indoors today because its just so gross out. Ive watched the harry potter films one to four still haven't bought the sixth one that came out about a week or two ago.
Finaly got my grades for this term and it was pretty good 3.2 so Im glad, although i was a bit upset because of 'my advertising grade i feel i deserved more than a B- but thats beside the point. I got the same grade for Chemistry which i was convinced i was going to fail but i must admit there is a greater being out there because he/she looked over me.
Its been a bitter sweet Christmas, one of my fathers aunt passed away on christmas eve, her sister my grandmother passed away last year the eve of thanksgiving. It's sad because they both died before a holiday i feel their out to just ruin holidays for us. Its horrible to say but i mean really.... why? but i guess they are both in a better place.

But Christmas was good, i got the rugby vest I've been dying for and i got a bed which is cool, clothes, money. pjs perfume the usual but I'm glad i spent it with my family. tomorrow my mother and i are going to macys early she has some plans of her own, I'm just tagging along hopefully its nicer out than today i want to enjoy some fresh air and a nice cup of coffee while i walk around the city in my new gear.

moo wirh her gift lol

when i opened my gift to find out it was the vest

overall it was pretty good, i wish i had fun stuff to right but not much going on now, on break and ive just been relaxing and just catching up with people. Im also reading The Fuck-up so far so good, i guess i best be off.

Band: Phenoix

Musician: William Beckett

Video: dunno of a good one

Quote:

“Tell your heart that the fear of suffering is worse than the suffering itself. And that no heart has ever suffered when it goes in search of its dreams, because every second of the search is a second’s encounter with God and with eternity.” - Paulo Cohelo

finals week

2009-12-15T00:11:00.001-05:00

So the end of the semester has arrived and we are already in finals week. It sucks I'm sick of school work and sick off all this crap its like is this all really neccesary The answe is no, no it is not.

I've been very bitchy lately everyones been pissing me off like really don't speak... I have a presenation on wednesday and my group are a bunch of idiots actually no I take that back only one kid is a fucken I think I know it all idiot. I miss the old him ever since he started dating that fool and became an RA he's turned into an douchebag asshole. Well more to the point he just doesn't care and he keeps ignoring shit like NO MOTHERFUCKER I want a good grade.

And to add to school crap I feel my parentare regressing instead of progressing I feel like everyday they treat me more and more like a kid. Like this weekend was my brother and his gfs 3rd annual xmas party and well I went and they were all like your drunk and shut when in reality I wasn't and my mother locked the door but made it so I couldn't come in and its like really what If I was drunk and not in the right mind set... But whateves.
As I already said I've been getting very annoyed and kts been annoying me a lot like you know what I DONT GIVE A SHIT! Its ur life live it an let me live mine if I don't want to tell you something leave it the fuck alone and don't stalk me on twitter either.. Don't question everything I write I don't do that shit to you.... Its like ahhhhh if ur depressed don't take me to that place with you.. Ur life sucks hey reality check your not the only one!

My trip tp dr has been cancelled bc I have jury duty and an mri and I guess I should work and get some money and save I mean that would be the smart thing to do

Well I guess I should get back to reading I want to finish this so that tmrw morning I can't finish my paper and work on my presenation then go study for world lit that's at 4pm and come back and study for chem and p&s that's on thursday... Almost done =)

Empty

2009-11-28T22:14:00.000-05:00

I guess their isn't much for me to Say but i did feel like writing something so i guess i post a poem of mines that i've been to cowardly to ever read or let anyone read...
this one is obviously about a boy who broke my heart:

Empty

I wish I could turn back time

Back to a time when you meant nothing to me

Back to when my heart was fine

Back to when you were just my friend

I wish I would have opened up and told you what I felt

Instead I just sat back and lost you

I guess its for the best

Were both from two different worlds

Its just that now I have a void,

an emptiness that you had filled.

Read this on http://www.dirkmai.com and felt like quoting

2009-11-26T21:48:00.000-05:00

" To the person who broke my heart and hurt me more than I ever thought anyone could:

I’ll never stop loving you. I’ll never forget the times we shared and the amazing perfect future we used to talk about so much. I’ll never wish bad things upon you. I’ll never look at another girl the same. You’ll always be the one i wish i still had. That will never be the case though…

I just wish you would have let me love you. I would have given you the world if you would have just let me.

I hope ‘it’ was worth it."

“ It’s all going to be okay in the end. fuck the dumb shit."

this guy is great i want to meet him one day

Happy thanksgiving

2009-11-26T00:38:00.000-05:00

I've learned this year that life isn't what you expect, you don't always get what you want and that even those that you've trusted the most will hurt you the most. I have to be thankful for my family and thats about it, although they don't know whats going on with me i know they will be there when and i feel i need them. I must say I have grown up and its sad that along the way i have cut ties with people and who knows if it was the right thing to do, i maybe the worst decision I've made but only time will tell. I wish some things were as they were and at times i get so lonely and depressed that i lose the meaning of life i somehow manage to get back to it and realize that life is great. There are times where i regret ever going to mount and picking that certain path because of a boy i met while visiting the school. As the quote goes "Better to have loved and lost, than to have never loved at all" I feel that sometimes while that makes perfect sense i wish i would have never loved at all the pain doesn't go away there are days when it isn't as bad but then those days when its the only thing you can'get it out of your head. You begin to think of every possible way to make it go away, like wishing you could just be a bigger person and say fuck it but then realize your in to deep. Then you wish hard that its all been a dream that will just go away when you awake but the harsh reality is that it will never go away its a feeling that you have to carry in you and you have the ironic hole in your heart from it all. I always wish i could take that one night away, a year ago and not go out that night and just walk away and leave it alone because i lost my best friend the one person i thought would never hurt me and i would have there for the rest of my life he was my strong side and now i'm left alone aimlessly walking. It always gets me to thinking what would life be like if we never would have met.. but i guess the past is the past no matter how much i wish i could change it. Things would be completely different, life wouldn't be what it is now and it sucks that i still can't get past this, but i've lost friends because of him... they obviously pick him over me and its sad that things can never be how they were.... As time passes i become more and more alone and distanced from people and im afraid that in my random nights alone in bed i will just feel as if i should run into the first arms of the guy that i can use and like the idea of. All love songs I've begun to hate, couples i hate, anything having to do with love is disgusting to me, i feel as if I'm becoming a bitter old lady. I'm afraid that i have such high standards and will never be happy, i'm sick of putting on a fucken act but as much as i try to change i cant change who i am and i know I'm not good looking and i shouldn't have such high standards but i don't want to change them. If i have to give up finding what i want then i have to do it. but i shouldn't let what Colin did to me ruin my life, he obviously doesn't care he's moved on so why should i worry about this friendship that is nonexistent. He didnt see me as anything to close as to what i saw and what me meant to me and i hope that "time will heal all wounds" really because then i can have some hope as to really moving on in the future.

I hate being pressured into things and people just needs to let me be and let me be my own person, I am sick of what my life has become i do things to conform and fit in when in reality I''m nothing like what people think i am. I need to take the my life back and set my priorities straight and take The Academy is...'s quote "hold your head high heavy hearts" and the meanings of all their songs and set goals in life and move on that no matter what happens i need to keep moving. and mostly find a way to get complete closure and move on with me life.

Song of inspirations Naturally- Selene Gomez and The Scene

Person of inspirations : Mama Olympia
even though i didn't take advantage of you when where alive i see how much you meant to this family and to my dad and how much he missed you, its hard to even grasp the fact that you've been gone for an entire year... i still remember holding your hand in the hospital and then at home when you passed away on your bed and hoped you would just wake up.. But i know your up there taking care of us as much as you can.

lost of connections

2009-11-03T22:31:00.001-05:00

i feel so out of it with everyone, i hate mount so i never hang out with anyone and now i find out that one of the peoples i saw as my best friend is dating someone and didnt even tell me it sucks.

I wish i could be on tour with bands right now that would be a great time.. no school no people i hate it would be great but yeah

my week is gonna suck next week three test the best thing is the TAI concert and HH =) it needs to come quicker

2009

2009-10-16T13:01:00.000-04:00

First really cold day so far, feels like winter out there, im home for a while my grandmother is spending two days with us so im stuck on the couch fml. but w/e tonight im going to go see where the wild things are with lex and my sister im very excited i dont care what people say about the movie. Its pouring rain here in NYC, and has been for the past 2 days but i guess it's okay a little rain didnt hurt anyone.

So junior year has been a bit hectic, and i need to take a summer class so catch up with my class im just one class behind, but its all cool bc the school pays for my class hehehe thankyou bridge program.

no guys in my life, i have been talking to a friend of mine adam but i doubt its going to go anywhere he's always on the move and idk if i can deal with that.

But i am very excited for these coming months halloween is coming im going to be a sexy pirate

nov 4th is my brothers gf Nicoles bday and nov 13 is my sister

but even better than all of those is that nov 11 im going to see THE ACADEMY IS... and nov 12 HAWTHORNE HEIGHTS with my best friend katie... im oh so very excited i cannnot waitttttt with that said im off, gonna shower then relax my head and plan out how i want to get all of my hw done

Bands The Honorary Title and You me at six

Musician: JT woodruff

Quote- "- dont you want to be in love"

"- I've been in love, painfull, pointless and overrated" my sister and i acting like fools

im alive!

2009-09-22T19:40:00.000-04:00

so i havent written in a while.

so aug 2nd was my last post since them ive started school week 4 now, um lets see i went to Puerto rico it was great i went everywhere i def want to go back with friends but regardless it was great and i miss it over there. I overcame my fear of thunderstorms which is always a plus.

So lifes good, i get a lil annoyed now more than ever but its still good my classes suck very long but my weeks go by quickly.

but so far its been an intresting school year, i no longer care about being on my campus or hanging out with people, i rather go see some people, got a visit from an old friend which was great and got a bunch of concerts lined up.

But for the most part life is getting better i know what i have to do and have my life in better order so its looking up, 2 more years of mount and im out so im glad...

i'll post again soon

Quotes:"Life changes, and love changes and best friends become complete strangers"

"A word's, just a word 'til you mean what you say And love, isn't love 'til you give it away"

"So how did you get here under my skin? I swore that I'd never let you back in Should have known better in trying to let you go "

Music: The Academy Is...

and Cobrastarship. Hot mess

Musician: RIP Casey we miss you

Music's the only thing that makes sense anymore, man. Play it loud enough, it keeps the demons away.

2009-08-02T14:37:00.000-04:00

DO NOT READ THE WHOLE BULLETIN!!! Name SIXXXX people you can think of right off the top of your head. Do not read the questions underneath until you write the names of all 5 people. This is a lot funnier if you actually randomly list the names first.. (i had to change it to six because they're my favorite peopleeee!!)
1. Katie
2.Alex
3. Chad
4. Solange
5. Carl
6. John

DO NOT LOOK AHEAD UNLESS YOU FILLED UP THE TOP!

1. How did you meet #3?
freshman year orientation- Team Royale

2. What would you do if #2 and #3 were going out?
rofl die of laughter

3. How long have you known #4?
my entire life

4. What do u think of #2?
i hate him! joking he's a great guy that puts up with all my crap

5. A fact about #6?
hhes one crazy man

6. Who is #2 going out with?
no one that i know off

7. What's #1 do for a living?
school to get a job

8. Where does #5 live ?
brooklyn/queens

9. Is #1 your best friend ?
practicly family

10. Do you miss #6?
yeah hes my bro lol

11. What would you do if #3 and #4 were going out?
lmao hmm wow would be a bit weird since shes alot older

12. Ever gone somewhere with #5?
lol yeah

13. What would you do if #1 and #5 were going out?
roflllll that would be the day

14. What do you think of #3?
he's a very cool guy!

15. Ever slept over in the same house with #5?
same room

16. Ever been to #2 house?
nope but i have seen it

17. What would u do if #4 was in jail?
bail her out

18. Do you care about #3?

he's a good buddy of course

19. What is the one thing you love about #1?
she's always there when i need her

20. Would you ever party with any of #1-6?
already have

21. Ever see #4 naked?
when i was younger i think bt not sure

22. Do #1 and #2 know eachother?
yeap

23. Are you related to any of the 6?
yup 4 and 6

24. Have you kissed any of the 6?
yup 2

25. Ever do something illegal with any of the 6?
smoked with 1 and 5 thats about it

............

2009-05-13T21:44:00.001-04:00

so i guess i should update this, life sucks...

no nothing bad just tired of people and tired of wondering if this decision i made was the right one. actually two decisions

the first is if i should have even gone to mount, i let that one day and seeing that one person determine the rest of my life and it sucks because hes no longer in it.

and 2nd is if staying at mount was worth it

well i guess my life is gonna keep going no matter what.

I'm over trying to find someone to spend some time with, eventually I'll meet him but for now imma focus on what i need to do and get through these next two years of college and see what happens after that.

Song of the week: Blue Foundation - Eyes on Fire
Band shoutouts- We shot the moon, backseat goodbye, and young love!
Musican of the week: Ryan Adams
Cause: To Write Love on Her Arms
Quote:"We’re all fucked nowadays anyways. A fight without fists in a war without hope.Welcome to the Information Age. Funny how much has changed that stays the same."- William Becket!

Finaly a happy post!

2009-02-22T00:15:00.001-05:00

Life is being good cant complain. Im finaly over that entire colin situation and things are normal once more.

I've actually moved on, I didnt think it would happen so quickly but im proud to say it has. I've actually started writing poems but i dont ever see myself saying it infront of people.

on another thought im talking to a new guy... i dont care if it goes anywhere but its nice to have him there, its nice talking to someone and joking around and i feel completly comfortable talking to him about everything even things i cant say to even my bestest friends its weird but its good i guess i get the guys point of view on things

i was in tennesse for the past week for NACA it was pretty great saw a bunch of new acts and fell in love with spoken word wish i had the talent to do it but ill stick to writing for myself

my fav aunt is back from DR im so happy i missed her

Paulito coming to visit so im damn excited

My life lately has been crazy

and now that im happy everyone around me seems to be miserable and it sucks to see my friends suffer but i cant let them bring me down i deserve to be happy and enjoy being young..

Um it was anas bday this week

i saw coraline with alex and ash and had wendys

went to cozy cafe with adri for her bday i was there for about 5 min said hi to everyone and left

and the best thing is that my bday weekend is so far looking to be great!! SO EXCITED!

well im off gonna writing some stuff and make it a poem or some sort of poetry

adios

songs of the week: Use somebody-KOF, My baby- Jmac

Video of the week- Sneezing baby panda

so...

2009-02-08T08:33:00.001-05:00

I guess im doing okay, a lil sick literaly but nothing that i cant control. So far i've been pretty good i have my days where im very happy, but i have those days where im low..... and i cant control my feelings. But, i guess after a lil time i will be 100%...... Schools crazy lots of work... abuelita doing alot better... mom and dad are there moms leg keeps hurting her and dad well hes another case all together. But im actually trying to pick up the broken peices if my heart and my freindship. I feel like im losing my friends but i could just be imagening this... There are days when i just want to scream but more than none ive have days where i feel great. So this tuesday im going up to albany and wednesday I have a musican coming to school and on saturday i leave for tennessee so i guess i have alot of hw to do before my week even starts

Quote: "It's amazing what you can hide just by putting on a smile"

Musician of the week: James Morrison

Song of the week: Use Somebody- Kings of Leon

updating my life

2009-01-27T21:23:00.001-05:00

So things didn't go as predicted.... the start of the semester was a bit awkard and stranger. I felt uncomfortable..... I guess i made things weird but im not going to anymore he is my best friend above anything and hes going to stay my bestfriend.

so second semester is going to be intense, i have alot of work compared to other semesters but i like that im kept busy.. commuting is still sucking I hate it and who know what happens next semester i might go back to living there things would be so much better for me.

My classes are easy but just tedious work, but my friends are helping me through.... goals for this year.. better grades... take control of my life.... enjoy more time out with my friends.... and i guess mature

Ive made great friends and i hope i dont fuck it all up

Ive been going through some depression lately but my goal is to be postive and not let anything thats happened affect my life.

its been 2 months since my grandmother passed away

abuelita is doing good im glad

and shit at mount is starting to look up, lets hope i do great in my speech class and become Abassador Coordinator

To a great semesester

Song of the week...... my life would suck without you

so far, whatevers on my mind

2008-12-28T20:27:00.000-05:00

so done with my first semester of my second year of college and it was an intresting semester i commute now which sucks because i miss so much stuff, and i miss that i dont get to hang out everyone as much but what can i do.. my laptop stop working and my parents gave up trying to get it fixed and got me a new one hopefullly it works for the rest of college. But yeah my grandmother passes away, sucks its hard to belive that shes really gone, my parents were away for two weeks and well yeah.
So as for whats on my mind its so much, i realized i cut off alot of my old friends the only person i talk to still from hs like regularly is kt besides that noone im trying to get in contact with some people, having lunch on tuesday with zaby who i havent seen since we graduated.

and well i started to really like my best friend from college, its all a bit too weird because i dont want to ruin our friendship but i cant help but think about him... and even if he has simlar feelings for me i feel like what now?.. idk what hes thinking but whenever he puts his arms around me holds my hand my world just slows down and freezes ive never felt this way.... like even with other guys i've talk to or dated its never been like this... i feel butterflys when im gonna see him and god when he holds my hand its like everything is in its place.... but i dont know what he's thinking.

Everyone around us wants this to happen and say its cute and what they say makes me want him even more...... but its just sooo much to deal with.... but i do know that when i see or talk to him eveyrthings perfect.

my xmas this year was great and only because he had been here and after our kiss everything seemed perfect, i was happpy and noone could take that away..

Talking to my best friend katie she pointed out ive never acted this way over any guy and thinking back its because i always protect myself i dont try to care because people always leave or i tend to fuck up but i couldnt control myself now idk why everythings different.

I just hope when school starts again things are just as they were in the last two weeks of school and thats tuesday and wednesday morning because then everything felt right... I hate sounding like one of the gay people but its just like wow for once in my life im happy and fate is realzing i deserve some happiness...

Song: Untouched- The Veronicas
Video- Love Story- Taylor swift
Quote- "Numbing the pain for a while will make it worse when you finally feel it"
Movie- The Notebook

End of the semester

2008-12-13T20:52:00.000-05:00

SOOO last time i wrote on this was the start of the semester now its over and so much has happened!

So much is going throught my head and i dont even know where too start, right now im sick and feel like crap, talking to boobs and paulito on aim.

I had been on the phone with my best friend katie talking about the events of the past week..... i cant think where to start so i guess im just gonna leave lol

Quote " I think i have a substance abuse problem"
Band- Musician- Kevin Steinman
Video: Family guy, birds the word

Week One.

2008-08-31T23:22:00.000-04:00

So school started and i've had the worst week of my life.

I try not to show it, I tell everyone everything is fine but in reality its not at all. I love mount but commuting there everyday is killing me. I might just transfer out to like hunter or something. I feel like i have no friends because i dont see them. It just sucks and on top of that my mother is more of a bitch now then ever.

Let me just go back to commuting there and back home. It is by far the worst part of everything. Taking an hour and a half to get there and if i leave late taking the train with creepy ass people makes it all worse. At night everything runs differently and fucken takes me to the middle of nowhere im scared shitless and it just sucks.

Then my friends its just weird i know they all told me to stay over and i just feel like im a bother if i do that and it just makes things worse. But they all had so much fun last thusday i wish i had been there but since i have the worst luck and have to commute bc school is too much just sucks.

and i still havent heard from that internship. I wish i would have gotten it it would have added some kind of hope to my life that would make me want to live for something. But to be honest i dont see the point of living my parents hate me my sister half of the people i know dont speak to me it just sucks,

Sometimes i just wish i had someone special in my life. like i love being single and not tied to anyone but in moments like now i wish i had that someone. but i guess im meant to have a miserable life. and I just have to deal until the day i die.

"worse it's a Jo-bro-mance"

2008-08-13T20:26:00.000-04:00

So i thought this was by far the worst summer but i can always count on my sister and friends to make it better. First saturday my sister took me to the all points west festivle in liberty state park to see the kings of leon and radiohead it was amazing and i loved it then come sunday went to a bbq with my sister her "boyfriend" and all their friends mom came along which kinda sucked bc we were gonna enjoy lifes green but i guess its a sign i shouldnt you know but it was fun. come monday my friend stef called me asking if i wanted to see jonas i said its so expensive she said if thats what your worried about dont worry so there i went to see the jo-bros

*pic* Me at the Jonas concert in madison square garden

yeah i said it jonas lol it was by far amazing i love
my boyfriend steph for taking me inside joke guy.

but those boys are beyond amazing they are so talented and they make you realize not to take life for granted but they give 110% every time and i went to their 3rd show at Madison and they had so much energy it was great

*pic*
the guys are great live it was so great

*pic*Demi Lavato i even came out to sing this is me with the jo-bros

the end was go great they are so glad to have their friends
with them on stage everyday for them its like a big party
and they enjoy it to the fullest

Another Jonas Day:
The apple store in Soho it was insane these boys took over NYC and had everyone on the palm of their hands.

The Jonas brothers Kevin, Joe and Nick know what they have and are great full every second of the day and for them they really are living the dream. I wish them the best in their career with their talents they will get far.

Jonas Brothers A little bit longer in stores now

best songs on the record:
Love Bug
Tonight
BBGood
Shelf
and Video Girl
* those are my personal favs dont just listen to those the entire cd is great

Quote from the new jo-bro CD:" But you don't know what you got 'till it's gone and you don't know what it's like to feel so low everytime you smile or laugh you glow"

alright everyone peace and love and all the best
jenjen

so!!!!!!!

2008-08-02T21:40:00.000-04:00

So much has been going on. First i've realized this far in the summer that i've seen my best friend katie a total of like 1 time and my best friend colin a total of 2 times how sad huh. i have seen Alex and Chad alot, Carl prob like 3 times. besides that well i really havent seen anyone well how can i forget marcy saw her twice.

It'a been a different summer now i have my two jobs and my 4 hour trips everyday monday-thursday in a train and my 2-11pm shifts on sundays its like i wake up at 730am everyday and get home around 6pm im kinda tired from that 2 hour trip and friday and sarturday is when i can usually sleep i dont get too bc its laundry day or m y day to do whatever it is i've been putting off and it really sucks. most of what i've made is spent on something i bought, gave my mom money, concerts and trips to boston and jersey and of course going to school and school payments itself. i guess the most productive ive done with my money is 1 take out a 2nd debit card, im going to have my school pay me to that one because it has more benifets and the 2nd things is get my permit. About time huh! well 19 now and i need to learn to drive because i sure as hell am not taking a 2 hour trip to school every single fucken day i would jump in the tracks to end it all its horrible. OH! in case i havent meantioned it in anothe blog post i am an official COMMUTER! i guess i need to learn to get use to PT because i need to take it every single fucken day! Someone please shoot me lol well yeah im a commuter and a commuter in the worlds worst run college.

the President of mount i have so many words that i can explain him with but i choose not to because if he sees this he might kick me out of school FOR NO APPARENT REASON! well now out entire resident-commuter-student activity's office is filled completely with strangers to mount oh wait almost we still have jeff and well 2 mount alums who just graduated but w/e its just weird. and the most important man is gone a month before out incoming freshman's are moving in its all hellllllll at mount.

Well so school starts august 25 thats about 23 days away i think
and so far my weeks are full.

this upcoming week
tmrw work at the restaurant
monday-thursday work at mount
friday fix my laptop and go enroll in driving classes
saturday RADIOHEAD CONCERT AT LIBERTY STATE PARK!
sunday rest and a dire need for rest that is

monday-thursday my usual work at mount
friday beach!
saturday the honorary title concert
and sunday move to mount for PGL week

and thats my summer folks... sad huh

Guess this is what its like being grown up huh!

band of the week: Between the Trees
Song of the week: pushin' me away- jonas brothers
video of the week: yeah you guessed it HARRY POTTER

summer

2008-06-29T13:47:00.000-04:00

so its summer and the most interesting thing i've done is get sick. how sad is that this is suppose to be the summer to enjoy to have fun. i do nothing but work and be tired my friends well my real friends one is living his own life in Rockland and Katie well shes busy as it is. and cec well i dont think i can consider her a friend anymore shes in her own world i get no calls from her nothing so im on my own. The fact that i cant dorm at mount is killing me bc i need to stay here at home with the parents that are driving me insane. Working every day of my life just sucks and the job at the resturant is hell like it really is.

I need to take a vacation SOON!

band of the month: Sing it loud

Quote: "teamwork-theres no I in drunk"